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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277157">Embracing the future</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisLetang/pseuds/KrisLetang'>KrisLetang</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hugs, Jealousy, Touch-Starved</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:53:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277157</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisLetang/pseuds/KrisLetang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Barba wants a hug</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Embracing the future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Nii who wanted Barson hugging/Barba being jealous of Liv hugging other people.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rafael walked out of the elevator, coffee in one hand, briefcase in the other. He technically didn’t have a case at the moment that required a visit to the precinct but he wanted to see if Olivia wanted to grab lunch. The door to her office was closed, so he waited, typing on his phone. It was only a few more moments before the door opened, and he saw a blonde woman walk out, talking with Liv as they walked. He didn’t want to interrupt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched as they said their goodbyes, Liv pulling her into a tight hug before they parted ways. Rafael found himself fixating on how tightly Liv hugged her. He could almost feel the way she would squeeze him when they hugged. It had been awhile since she’d given him one. She smiled when she saw him, and that made him feel happy. He stood, tucking his phone into his pocket as he walked towards her. “Work or personal?” she asked him when he was within a few feet of her office door. He couldn’t help but check her out, eyes glancing over her outfit. She was beautiful as always. He had to clear his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Personal, actually,” he said. “I was heading out for lunch. I thought maybe we could go together if you have an hour.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, why not,” she said. “Let me grab my bag.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they walked out of the precinct, he turned to her. “So, who was that?” he asked. “In your office.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, one of our old ADAs, Alex Cabot. She was our ADA when I first started at SVU,” she said. He felt an irrational burst of jealousy. Liv certainly thought highly of this woman. He hated feeling insecure. Usually, he managed to dismiss the feeling, but when it came to Liv, he struggled. He had this need to be everything and anything to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were walking down the street when a woman saw them and stopped on the street after staring at Benson repeatedly. “Olivia?” she asked. Liv was caught off guard at first, but she smiled when she realized who the woman was. Rafael stood to the side, catching himself staring at Liv and having to shake his head to snap out of it. He watched as Liv hugged the woman, and he felt the same jealousy as before. It caught him off guard. What the hell was his problem? Liv could hug whoever she liked, and it had nothing to do with him or his stupid, inappropriate feelings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure how to categorize his emotions exactly; he felt childish for wanting her to hug him so badly, and he felt embarrassed. They’d been together a lot lately, and there were times when he wondered if they could be more, but then he would have doubts, and right now he was doubting himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who was that?” he asked softly when she came back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A vic from years ago,” she said. “I know I shouldn’t be that surprised that she remembers me, but it’s been years. I know I would just...want to block everyone out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t,” he whispered, and he saw the brief flash of pain in her eyes. He was still in awe of what she’d survived. She’d somehow found herself again after going through the unthinkable horrors Lewis had inflicted upon her. Everytime he thought of the man, his blood boiled, his body trembling with anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been over at her place late a week or two earlier, and she’d been wearing a tank top. She rarely wore anything so revealing, at least not when he was around. He’d seen scars and marks that made his heart ache with grief and anger. She didn’t deserve any pain. He wished he could have taken her place. He knew what cigarette burns felt like. He would have traded with her in a heartbeat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You all wouldn’t let me,” she said with a soft smile. “Come on. I’m hungry.” He followed her slowly, walking so close to her that their hands brushed every few seconds. It placated him for the time being. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They reached Forlini’s after a short walk, taking their corner booth as always, and he tried to tell himself that he only had to ask her for a hug and she would give him one. He wanted her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to give him one though, and he was fixated on the idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found himself staring at her as he got lost in thought. He couldn’t help but remember how good it felt to be in her arms. They were the same height which helped to avoid any awkward bumping or bending to fit together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rafa,” Liv said, startling him out of his thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Sorry,” he said. She frowned, studying him for a second and he tried to keep a straight face even though she could always see right through him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” She asked him. “Something’s wrong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing,” he said, but he knew it wasn’t convincing. He could feel the worry in her gaze. “How’s the case going?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let him change the subject reluctantly, and he was grateful for it. They fell into an easy conversation, and he started to feel better. Talking to her was always soothing for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were beginning to eat their meal when someone approached their booth, and Rafael paused, mid drink, glancing at the familiar man. “Oh my god, Captain,” Liv said, standing. “How are you? It’s been too long.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m well. Sorry to intrude. I was picking up lunch, and I saw you,” he said, pulling her close into a hug, and Rafael’s stomach clenched again. He didn’t hear the rest of their conversation, weakly smiling and waving at Cragen as he left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liv sat down again, glancing across at him. “Rafa,” she said softly. She could tell he was bothered. “Are you upset with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, never,” he said. “Don’t worry about me. Let’s just enjoy our lunch.” They finished eating, and Rafael smiled at her while they walked back to the office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have a busy afternoon?” She asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly,” he replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might duck out early if you want to stay for a bit and then walk me out,” she said. He smiled. He would take any excuse to spend more time with her. They’d been together a lot lately. He had a few briefs to clean up, but he could do those in her office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were on the street when he saw Chief Dodds. It was getting to be the holidays, and Rafael knew it wasn’t a particularly good time for the man. “Olivia,” he said with a nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bill, hey,” she said. “How are you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hanging in there. It’s hard not to think about Mike at this time of the year,” he said. Rafael wanted to squeeze Liv tight; he knew it was difficult for her to think about Mike. He stuffed his hand in his pocket as Olivia pulled Dodds in for a hug. He quietly cursed at himself for feeling jealous. He had no business being jealous of this. He put a hand on Liv’s back when she came back to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” He asked, and she nodded. “Are you sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m okay,” she said. “Come on.” He followed behind her, and he wanted to hold her hand, but they weren’t quite at the point where he felt comfortable initiating that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rafael shook the snow from his jacket, following Liv into her office. He hung his coat up to dry, settling on the couch and rolling his sleeves up as he opened his briefcase. He pulled his papers out, reading over his briefs. Liv was at her desk, straightening her papers up before there was a knock at the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Liv,” Fin said. “I need tomorrow off.” She looked up, eyebrows raised. “It’s Ken. Alejandro’s mom died, and they’re flying out for the funeral. I need to watch Jaden tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Fin,” she said, rising to her feet. She hugged him, and he squeezed her back. Rafael averted his eyes, trying to focus on his papers again. He was tense and frustrated by the time she wanted to leave because he’d been stewing for so long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He packed up then, helping her into her coat. He wanted to ask if she wanted dinner too, but he felt too clingy even thinking about it. He would walk her to her car, and maybe he would let her drive him home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wind was cold as they stepped outside, and she shivered. He wanted to offer her his jacket. Instead, he put his scarf around her neck, and she smiled at him. They were on their way to where the car was parked when he saw a familiar figure. “Rafael,” she said, glaring at him. “I’ve been calling your office all day. Where have you been?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He checked his phone, frowning. He had dozens of missed calls. He couldn’t believe he’d missed those calls; he was too focused on his emotions about Liv to actually be functional during the day. “Sorry Mami, what’s going on?” He asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What time are you coming over next week? I need to make plans,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You called me all day to ask that?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you skip midnight mass this year, Rafael, I swear I will come to your apartment and drag you out by your ear,” Lucia said. He rolled his eyes. “Excuse me, Olivia, it is so nice to see you.” Liv grinned, obviously amused, but he felt his blood pressure rising as Liv pulled his own mother into a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t control his facial expression. Did Liv really want to hug his mom more than him? His feelings were hurt, and some small rational part of his brain knew that it was ridiculous but he was upset and hurt and he didn’t know what to say or do about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rafael, you better call me. I have to get to my faculty meeting now. I love you,” she said, kissing his cheek before disappearing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you look like that?” Liv asked him. “And don’t you dare tell me you’re fine. You look like I just told you your suit was tacky and doesn’t match your tie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you...upset with me or something?” He asked finally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No, why would you think that?” She asked. He bit his lip, considering his words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem to want to hug everyone but me,” he finally said. Her brows furrowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean? I always want to hug you,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sure didn’t seem like it today,” he said softly, crossing his arms. He sort of felt like a petulant child now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rafael!? Why didn’t you just ask me for a hug if you wanted one? Is that why you’ve been in such a bad mood all day? What the hell,” Liv said, stepping closer to him. He worried his lip between his teeth once more before finally spitting it out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like I normally ask,” he said. “And I want you to </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to hug me. It’s stupid. I know. Sorry. Just forget I said anything.” He felt sad and pathetic, but Liv pulled him into her arms, squeezing him tightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always want to hug you,” she said again. “You have to talk to me, you big moron.” He melted into her arms, feeling like he was in heaven. No one touched him as much as she did, and nothing felt as right as when Liv hugged him. His whole body felt warm and he felt at peace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she let him go, he felt cold again, but he was happy and relaxed, and she pulled him into her arms again a second later. “I always want to hug you,” she said for a third time, reassuring him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he whispered softly, and she kissed his forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come over,” she said then by his ear. “I’ll give you another one, and another one.” She kissed his forehead and then his nose. “We can watch a movie. Come on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said again. “This is all so new, and I wasn’t sure if you felt the same.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. Come on,” she said, kissing his face again, and he wanted her to do that forever, for the rest of his life. Her lips were just as soft as he’d imagined. She’d kissed him on the cheek before, but everything felt more intimate now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he agreed softly, finally feeling at peace. </span>
</p>
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